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Super Beat Ch.18

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Chapter 18- Two Sides of the Same Coin

Mi Cha had hoped never to have to return to this place ever again. Six years ago, standing in this same spot, she had thought she would be leaving it all behind and would never have to look upon it again. She was itching to just turn around and leave.

Sighing, she stepped out of Yeonsinnae Station, lifting her hand to shield her eyes from the brightly shining sun. Across from her stood the same shops and houses she had waved goodbye to so long ago; they hadn't changed a bit, and, looking at them, she began to feel as if she hadn't changed either. It was as if the past had frozen when she had crossed the train's threshold six years ago and, now that she had returned, she was just stepping right back in. Would that mean that everything had stayed the same as well?

Mi Cha turned slightly to the side, staring at the curb to her right, the last place she had ever really stopped at before fleeing this retched neighborhood that she once called home. As she stared, a form began to solidify on that spot. It was washed out, the colors of the figure muted and grey, but it was very much there, and it looked very much like her fifteen year old self.

Yes, that was the old, woolen jacket she had hastily bundled up in before fleeing her house. And the bulky red backpack sitting sadly at the form's feet, holding all that she had, at that time, held dear. Her black hair was limp, wet, and drops of water clung to her clothes as remnants of the rain storm that had blown over that very same day.

She knew what this was, and she wasn't too keen on reliving it. Shutting her eyes, Mi Cha tried to block out the image; but one can never fully block out a memory.

The rain still fell as she sat there holding her head with shaking hands. Not moving, she let the moisture soak into her clothes and cool her heated blood, thankful for the drops as they blended in with the tears streaking down her face. Behind her, Yeonsinnae Station roared with passing trains, the faint murmur of passengers filling the air, greeting all travelers warmly and without prejudice. She wasn't a traveler though. She wasn't going anywhere; she had no place in the world left to go.

Oh, why had she run away in such a rush? Why hadn't she made any plans before she left? Now that she had stormed out, she couldn't very well go crawling back in, and especially not after what she had said to her mother. In Young's house wasn't a good place to go either, as involved with Mi Cha's family as she was, and Mi Cha had never really had the time to ever get to know any of her other neighbors. Where would she go?

Despairingly, she looked down at her red backpack, glad that she had at least thought to bring her valuables with her. They would bring her comfort, if nothing else. Pondering a moment, she began to wonder if she had picked up her cell phone and wallet before stomping out the door. She pulled the bag closer and began searching, sifting through the pictures and books, twitching aside her dance shoes and change of clothes, and, aha! There they were!

She pulled them out, congratulating herself on being smart enough to remember her two most useful items. With the small amount of money she found in her wallet, Mi Cha would be able to travel through a couple of stations, all the way to the middle of Seoul. There wasn't enough for even the cheapest hotel though, and she desperately needed a place to stay.

She carefully considered her options for a moment, seriously weighing the benefits of sleeping in a park against the humiliation of returning home, before she glanced back at her cell phone.

The phone had not been bought on her own money, nor on her parents'. They had not thought it was necessary for their inactive, unimpressive daughter. No, her phone, which she treasured with all her heart as her lifeline, was given to her as a present from the only person she could still count on, the one person she was afraid to disappoint by retelling her outburst.

But need outweighed her fear; she called Lee Soo Man.

'Uncle?' she asked, relieved that he had answered his phone so quickly. He told her he was surprised to hear from her so late at night, eliciting a tiny, watery chuckle in return. He caught on to the tears in her voice very quickly.

'No, no,' she assured him. 'I'm fine… Well, actually, I'm not fine… Uncle, could I stay with you for a while?'


"Mi Cha?" she was shaken out of her memory as a warm hand was placed on her shoulder. Opening her eyes, she noticed that the fifteen year old form had vanished and relaxed. "Are you alright?"

Kyuhyun gazed at her with worry evident in his eyes. She supposed she must have scared him, drifting off into her thoughts for so long, and gave him a hesitant smile as reassurance. "I'm alright."

And she was. She had never before given herself time to examine her memories, too afraid of the pain they would hold. Strangely enough, though, reliving the night she had run away had brought some peace to her mind, the feeling similar to that of peeling off a Band-Aid; pain at first, followed by immense relief and complete healing.

"I haven't been here in so long. Nothing's changed, has it, Miki?"
She shook her head at Leeteuk's question. "Not at all." The three of them crossed the street and began walking away from the station.

After her simple question at their music video shooting, Kyuhyun had automatically cleared his entire day's schedule, excluding their appearance on an interview that night, and Leeteuk, hearing where they were going, was quick to follow in that action. The two stayed at her side, lending her silent support, and Mi Cha was grateful for their company.

As they walked, Leeteuk pointed out different stores and streets to Kyuhyun, regaling him with funny stories from his pre-debut days. 'There's the store I bought my first guitar at,' he would say, or, 'That's where Mi Cha and In Young had decided it would be funny to drop water balloons on me.' The chatter was nice, and the laughter of the two men soothing, calming the nerves which wanted so badly to shake her to the core.

She couldn't believe how nervous she was getting. With each step she took, the butterflies in her stomach seemed to multiply exponentially. It was a terrifying prospect, returning to her former home. She had called In Young the day before about it, but doubts plagued her mind. What if she was turned away? What if her mom didn't even come to the door? The thought alone was enough to make her shiver.

The shaking grew worse as they got closer, and her mind dragged more snippets of her early life before her eyes as shops became more and more familiar. The dance studio her mom had grudgingly allowed her to attend, the small café she and Baye had gone to on their first date, the bench at the bus stop that she would run to for sanctuary, and the park.

She saw it in the distance, growing closer, and was unable to tear her gaze away. So many memories were tied to that one park with the squeaking swings and cold jungle gym. The trio consisting of her, Leeteuk, and In Young would meet there so often to forget their woes and enjoy a small bit of childhood. She could still see them now, sitting there that last day they had all been able to meet together.

Mi Cha ran to the park in tears that day. She was only twelve, but she felt the sting of her sister's perfection and her mother's words worse than ever. Compared to Jae Hwa, there was nothing she could do correctly. Why was she such a failure?

Seeing her in tears, Leeteuk and In Young had run to her side, comforting her in their embrace and murmuring encouraging words. They knew how hard it was for her, being the younger sister of the company heir and the piano prodigy.

Leeteuk was also in pain, though. He was sporting a brilliant bruise on his left shoulder which bespoke of his own troubles at home. Seeing it, she felt another wave of crying pass through her, knowing that there was nothing she could do to help.

Leeteuk pulled away and stood up. "We have to grow older quickly," he declared to her and In Young. "We have to get older so we can leave this place!"


He had left to train at SM Entertainment the next week. His escape both overjoyed her and left her longing for her own, and she had determined that day to take any pathway to freedom which opened up before her. She had thought she had found it, yet here she was walking right back into the cage.

Just past the park sat her house, looming imperiously over the street. Everything about it was neat, organized, and in its proper place, just as it had been six years before; she was the only thing which hadn't fit in back then. Seeing it now was intimidating, especially with the possibility of rejection hanging over her. But Mi Cha couldn't turn away now. She had to know what Ae Sook had been doing here, what her friend had said to her mother.

More confidently than she felt, Mi Cha walked up the porch steps and rang the doorbell, not noticing as her hands began to tremble. Kyuhyun, standing behind her, saw this small sign of fear and, in an attempt to soothe her, took her hand.

A tremendous feeling of safety came as she felt his strong, smooth hand grasp hers, as if, by holding Kyuhyun's hand, nothing in the world could ever harm her. It had been so long since she had felt so secure, and she realized that it had more to do with the fact that it was Kyuhyun's hand she was holding than with the action itself.

Mi Cha gave him a grateful smile just as the door before her was opened by a woman whom was just as put together as her house was. The woman's face transformed into an expression of slight shock and understanding as she saw who was standing on her doorstep.

"Hello, Umma." Mi Cha's mother, the woman Kyuhyun had secretly raged at ever since hearing Mi Cha's story, was standing before him. His eyes quickly scanned her. Yes, the family resemblance was definitely there.

Not releasing Mi Cha's hand, he stepped forward and bowed, greeting her with respect, as did Leeteuk. As he straightened, he noticed Mi Cha's mother glancing at their joined hands with interest and moved to lace his fingers through hers, showing that, yes, they were a pair. The woman gave a little sniff, and turned sharply, her posture telling the group to follow her even if she didn't actually say it out loud.

He entered the house with slight trepidation, taking in the lavish furnishings and the sparkling floors. Everything was so clean, so neatly put away. He kept expecting to find a stray shoe, or even a book shifted out of place, and found nothing of the sort. This house was exactly like one found in decoration magazines—it didn't look like anybody actually lived here. He wondered sadly if this was the way it had been when Mi Cha was growing up. It was no place for children.

Mi Cha's mother led them into the formal sitting room, taking a seat on a pristine, white couch in the middle of the room. A moment of hesitation passed through the group before they decided to follow her example and sit on the couch opposite of hers, Mi Cha taking up the position between the two boys, letting herself be surrounded by their support before even daring to glance at her mother.

Her mother stared back at her, her two perfectly-outlined, emotionless eyes watching Mi Cha's every move—judging her. Feeling very much like the child she had once been, Mi Cha shrunk back into the couch. She didn't even know where to start. However, the silence filling the room was even worse.

Taking a deep breath, Mi Cha pasted a smile onto her face. She decided to look above her mother's head instead of right at her, hoping that speaking would be easier if she didn't have to see that stare. "Umma, I'm sure you remember Jungsu," she began, hoping to break the tension that had slowly been building. Her mother briefly glanced at Leeteuk and nodded in acknowledgment as he, once again, bowed. Seeing her mom's gaze then drift to Kyuhyun, Mi Cha continued. "And this is Cho Kyuhyun, my-"

"Boyfriend. So I heard." Mi Cha was momentarily taken aback by this admission. She hadn't expected her mom to know anything about her life these days, thinking that once she had left her mother had forgotten all about her. Across from Mi Cha, her mom leaned forward and addressed Leeteuk. "Jungsu, your sister is in the kitchen with Eui Tae if you wish to catch up with her."

In other words, get out and leave us alone.

The silent command was heard and obeyed; Leeteuk immediately stood from where he sat, grabbing Kyuhyun as well, and walked straight through the sitting room door to where In Young was. This, inevitably, left Mi Cha feeling abandoned and very, very nervous. Not once could she remember ever being completely alone with her mom without the two of them dissolving into fighting. Mi Cha did not want for that to end up happening once more.

"Mi Cha…" She kept her gaze down, staring intently into her lap. Without her human shields, she felt too vulnerable to make any comments just at the moment. Her mom sighed. "You're looking well."

"As are you, Umma."

"Have you been eating well?"

"Mmm."

The conversation halted at this. The six years of separation had left both feeling unable to connect with the other anymore, though Mi Cha had felt that way long before she had left. Regardless, it was apparent that they couldn't even speak more than a few sentences to each other, which left Mi Cha wondering how she was going to approach the topic of Ae Sook.

The awkward atmosphere continued to build for a few minutes, and then something that Mi Cha had never thought possible happened. Her mother, her icy, untouchable mother, slumped over on the couch and began to cry!

To say that Mi Cha was in shock would be a bit of an understatement. She was so used to seeing her mother sitting perfectly straight, ankles crossed like a true lady, with every hair, pearl, and wrinkle perfectly in place, that this new image of her mom with mascara-stained tears streaming down her face did not compute with her at all. She didn't know what to do. Should she try to comfort her mother? Or just let her cry herself out? Or should she just get up and leave altogether?

What was the best course of action?

Her mother began wiping away her tears, reaching up each time a new drop fell, and ran a hand through her now unkempt hair. She looked more undignified than ever before, yet, for the first time, she was able to look Mi Cha fully in the eye, every emotion clear. And what Mi Cha saw was pain, heartbreak, and… pleading?

"Oh, Mi Cha. My daughter. Oh, how am I able to face you?" With this, her mother buried her face in her hands again, sobbing. Cautiously, Mi Cha reached out and, with a moment of hesitation, placed her hand gently on her mother's head.

"Umma? What's wrong?"

Her mother shook her head, giving a great loud sniff. "I didn't know, Mi Cha. I didn't know what he had done to you until you walked out that door." Then, Mi Cha began to understand. Her mom now knew about the incident with Baye. She had known that day Mi Cha ran away. She had known, and felt sorry, and she still let Mi Cha walk out the door. A small flame of anger and longing flared to life within Mi Cha.

"Then why didn't you come after me? Why didn't you bring me home?" she demanded, a spark of challenge in her eyes. Her mother slowly lifted her head and looked at Mi Cha with large, sorrowful eyes.

"Would you have come back if I had?"

Mi Cha blinked a few times, contemplating. Would she have turned around if her mom had come after her? At that time, probably not. And then, the full weight of her mother's question hit her.

"Umma…"

"I'm sorry, Mi Cha. I just… keeping you at home wasn't right. You needed space. You were drowning here. If you ever thought that I let you go because I didn't love you, then please forgive me. I'm so very sorry, Mi Cha."

Mi Cha had to blink back tears, hearing the words that she had always wanted her mother to say. She couldn't hold back her questions, though. It was time to get everything out into the open.

"You left me though! Every time you and Appa went off on a trip, you took Eui Tae and Jae Hwa with you and left me here alone! And what about all those times you yelled at me for not being able to live up to Jae Hwa? Or when you didn't want me to dance? Did you love me then?" She made no effort to curb the bite in her words, making it clear how hurt she had been over the years. Tears were trailing down both of their faces now, and her mother moved to sit down next to her, grasping Mi Cha's hands tightly.

"I'm sorry I wasn't a good mother to you. It's all my fault that you feel this way, and you did nothing to deserve the pain I caused. Mi Cha…"

Her voice broke off and she had to recollect herself before she could continue. Lifting a hand, she tenderly wiped a tear from Mi Cha's face, just as any mother would. "There was a time when we took all three of you on our business trips. Your brother and sister loved these trips, but you hated them. You would become miserable every time we went overseas, and we went away so often that I was afraid you would grow up depressed. You preferred being with Jungsu and In Young much more. When I left you with them, I thought I was making the choice that would make you most happy."

"And my dancing?" Her mom shook her head sadly, closing her eyes as she answered.

"I had no excuse for that. It was my misconception that guided me. I thought there would be no future for you in dancing, and I wanted so badly for you to be successful that I tried to guide you onto the path I had chosen." Opening her eyes again, Mi Cha's mother finally smiled at her. "I was obviously wrong."

It was all too much for Mi Cha to take in. Suddenly, the world she had known her entire life was flipped completely on its head, turning almost everything around with it. And with the flip, understanding finally settled in, followed shortly thereafter by forgiveness. Mi Cha didn't think she'd ever be truly close with her mom—not in the way she had wanted to be as a child at least—but she was ready to start mending the broken relationship back into something functional.

Mi Cha pulled her hands from her mother's grasp, rubbing the last remnants of salty tears from her face, and leaned forward, pulling her mom into an unexpected embrace. When her mom realized what was happening, she hugged back enthusiastically, clinging to her daughter with all her strength. This made Mi Cha smile, and she tilted her head to whisper into her mom's ear. "I forgive you, Umma."

A sigh of relief fell from her mother's lips. It seemed that her mom had been just as nervous about this confrontation as she had been. Pulling apart, the two smiled at each other, finally able to reconnect, and her mother tilted her head curiously. "Tell me, has Baye still been bothering you?"

That was unexpected, and it made Mi Cha think. She hadn't noticed just how inactive Baye had been since the original article had been published. Usually he would've been stirring up more trouble after his original plan had failed. "No. Strangely enough, he hasn't."

"Oh, good." Mi Cha glanced her way, question evident in her eyes. Grinning affectionately, Mi Cha's mother brushed a stray strand of hair out of Mi Cha's face. "Your friend, Ae Sook, dropped by a month or so ago and told me what had happened. Naturally, being unable to do anything else as your mother, I had to do something to protect you."

"What did you do?"

"I issued a restraining order against Baye. If he ever bothers you again, you now have every right to take it up with the police." Mi Cha's eyes widened and then tilted upwards as she smiled. If Mi Cha hadn't believed that her mother did care for her by that point, this admission would've done the trick.

Afterwards, the two women stayed in the sitting room for another good hour, just talking and attempting to fix what had caused their initial rift. For Mi Cha, it was both confusing and a dream come true, one she wasn't ready to end by the time they had to leave. That time did come, however, and Mi Cha stood to go fetch the guys.

Before she could leave, her mom grasped her wrist and looked her in the eye. "Watch over your uncle, Mi Cha. Rumors are flying on the internet. Please protect him and his company." This plea left Mi Cha confused, though she agreed to it anyways.

Walking down the hallway, she stopped just outside of the kitchen door, peeking in and seeing Leeteuk and Kyuhyun chatting amiably with Eui Tae and In Young. She smiled fondly, remembering all the times she and Eui Tae had sat at that same counter, drinking hot chocolate and studying for school. Even while sometimes coming across as cold, her older brother had been part of the reason she had stayed in this house for so long. He was a good guy, and Mi Cha was now glad that he had taken a second glance at In Young.

She waited a moment more before walking into the kitchen and making her presence known. Leeteuk and Kyuhyun both automatically stood as she walked in, moving to her side in an instant should she be looking for any support. Smiling reassuringly at them, Mi Ca nodded towards the kitchen clock, bringing their attention to how late it was getting. The guys nodded and, with a quick goodbye, made their way out of the house.

Mi Cha took a moment longer to greet her brother and friend, hugging each of them in turn, before turning and chasing after the guys, her cheeks bright red. The two young men laughed jokingly at her flushed face and lightheartedly strutted down the street back to Yeonsinnae Station.

As Mi Cha took a final glance back at the house she had lived in the first sixteen years of her life, she noticed that it didn't look nearly as intimidating now as it had before.
So, moral of this chapter- there are two sides to every story.

Mi Cha's mother isn't bad, just flawed, like every other human being, and she did honestly try to be a good mother to Mi Cha, which is partly why Mi Cha is as stable as she is. If it had been different, Mi Cha probably would've been ruined for good.

Disclaimer: almost every single person in this fanfic is a real person and, as slavery is immoral and evil, i thankfully do not own them. the idea for this fanfic is mine and the fictional characters are mine though.

like i've said before, this is my first kpop fic, so feel free to correct me if i've gotten anything culturally or gramatically wrong. i know that i'm still learning :)

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elfgirlunltd's avatar
I'm really glad you put all of this into the story - it makes Mi Cha's mother and childhood much more... human. A lot of times, in situations like this, it probably is more of a misunderstanding or two that can lead to something that seems horrible.
And I love that Kyuhyun and Leeteuk went with her. ^^ So sweet! :meow:
I can't wait to read more!!!